what I know.

When I have weeks like this one, I start to think that maybe I use the word “disappointed” too easily a lot of the time.  There are some things that can damper your mood, there are some things that can even fall below your original expectations, but when it comes to true, genuine disappointment — the kind that makes you wonder how you’re going to get up the next morning and get through the day — that isn’t something you can throw around lightly.

While it’s probably obvious at this point, my week has truly been disappointing.  And while the writer in me wants to go into detail about everything that has happened and share my story with a sense of wide-open vulnerability, I think that doing so would only take away from everything that God has taught me this week.  Oddly enough, a lot of the girls in my house have encountered disappointments this week as well– and when we all sat down to dinner a few days ago, we concluded that the bright spot in all of this had to be that we could only go up from here, that the “curse” of disappointments surely wouldn’t last much longer… right?

I sat down a few days ago to write about everything that had brought me to feeling the way that I do right now, and I was reminded of a blog post that I read a few weeks ago about a soon-to-be bride who had just lost her brother to cancer.  Not only did it give me a reality check and remind me that there are much worse things I could be going through, but it also reminded me of this:

God is still good, even when people aren’t.

When I leave Him in the dust to pursue my own desires, God is still present.

God doesn’t change, even when life does.

When I feel like I’m at my loneliest, God is right there.

And no matter what happens– disappointment, heartbreak, incomprehensible change, devastating loss– God is still good.

Why?  Because He is simply incapable of being anything else.  Because He hung on a cross so that I would always know how loved I am by Him.  Because He promised that His goodness would endure forever.

Honestly, that’s all I know right now — that God is good.  And I think that for right now, that’s all I need to know.  The selfish part of me wants to tell God that He shouldn’t be making my life this hard, but I think He would tell me the same thing about myself– I shouldn’t be making my life this hard by trying to follow my own will.  So in the midst of disappointment, I’ll press through.  And if things get worse, I’ll press through that as well.

And it all hinges on one simple reason: my God is still good.

“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your unfailing love, LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”

-Psalm 94:18-19

6 thoughts on “what I know.

  1. Jordan-
    If it hadn’t already spilled tears today, I’d be spilling them over this post! You don’t know how comforting it is to me that you are having a disappointing week as well. (Not that I want either of us to have disappointing circumstances!)

    The part that touched me the most was when you talked about not going into detail with open vulnerability because it would take away from what God has taught you. I’m feeling the same way with my own struggle (being on the wait list for nursing school again and trying to plan my next steps while in another country). I’ve been vulnerable with the right people and God’s been faithful through those people but I’m still not able to share it with everyone.

    This probably isn’t the shortest comment you’ve received, but I was just so thankful for reading this! Thank you for writing it!


    • Andrea-

      I’m so sorry to hear that your week has been disappointing, and I have done the same thing with confiding in a few trusted friends about what has happened to me, and it’s been amazing to see how supportive my friends have been. I’m sure you can say the same for the people in your life!

      I will definitely be praying that you can enjoy this semester abroad while still figuring things out for next semester- it is all going to work out, even though it doesn’t feel like it now.

      Thanks for always being so encouraging with my posts- it means so much!

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