Y’all, it has been a crazy week. I won’t bother you with all of the details, but here’s the gist: When I left my apartment on Friday morning to go to work, I had no idea that it would never be my apartment again. Due to the unusually low temperatures in the area, our fire sprinkler burst and showered water everywhere. While we were fortunate enough to not have our furniture or any belongings ruined, the damage is so bad that we have to move out… and through a series of events that ended with me crying on the phone to my mom, I’m moving two hours away and working from a different location.
For someone like me who is ready to lose it when my plan for the day goes a little off course, this situation has brought out the worst in me. This was not my plan — I had finally fallen into a routine and become comfortable where I was after struggling with the transition for so long, and then with no notice at all I had to make a huge decision very quickly. No, this wasn’t my plan at all — and I’m pretty sure that’s exactly why God brought me here.
It’s in a time like this when I think I really start to understand what is meant when people warn against “self-made kingdoms.” We see stories all throughout the Bible of people who looked at God and told Him that their plan was better. When I think about it in the context of kingdoms, I just picture God in all His glory standing before this unimaginably immaculate tower, and I’ve built a sand castle (or maybe even a house of cards) and put my trust in it instead. But, as I’ve said before on this blog, the idol outside of God always crumbles.
This week, my kingdom crumbled.
So what do we do when it all falls apart? The answer is simple for those of us who are humble enough to do it: we return to the One that sustains us. We put our hopes and our dreams and our plans on the line; we give them to God and trust that He will bring them to fruition in due time. For me, this is the greatest challenge. I want to rise to the top of whatever ladder I’m trying to climb and then revel in my pride — but that’s not how our hearts were built to be satisfied. So God, in all of His wisdom and all of His love, knocks me off of the ladder. He pushes me back to square one and once again protects my heart from hardening in selfishness.
I most definitely feel like I’ve taken three steps forward and two steps back in this moment. I was so proud of myself for moving out and getting a job and learning how to be on my own, and now my routine has to completely change. But I know that the Lord feels the despair in my heart, possibly even more than I do, and He will carry me through because He calls me His own.
At one point in this whole process, I was ready to fight having to move and do whatever it took to stay where I was. But as the clutter in my mind began to settle and I tried to think about how God was working in all of this, it dawned on me that if He has gone so far as to physically move me out of my apartment, He must be asking me to do something different. I count that as a blessing, because it shows me that God will stop at nothing to bring me exactly where I need to be — and that’s a God I can trust with new routines, broken plans, and the rest of my life.
Let your kingdom crumble, because He who promised is faithful. Here’s to whatever’s next.