with all of my heart.

I have to say, I’ve wondered for a long time what it would be like to get to marry the person I had fallen in love with. I wondered how I would feel, what I would say, how life would change after that moment, and so on. This post is long overdue, but on August 29, 2015, I got to experience exactly what it feels like to realize you get to marry the person you love.

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I’ve been so overwhelmed by this moment and the thought of marriage as a whole that I haven’t known where to go with this blog post. I’m at a loss for words at how the Lord could be so good to a person like me, who gets it wrong so often. Even though I’ve grappled with the challenges that were set forth in our relationship and how God so abundantly provided in making us more aligned with Him through each and every storm, seeing it all come together so beautifully in this proposal has far surpassed what I ever deserved.

Very rarely have I explicitly talked about Jordan (yes, we’re both named Jordan and we know it’s a little odd) on this blog, because I wanted all of my posts to be less about my boyfriend and more about how God was working in my life and the lives of others. But for the past few years, I feel like God has revealed Himself to me in ways I never could have experienced so deeply had it not been for this relationship. He has done so through heartbreak, faithfulness, adventure, more heartbreak, big missions, big questions, and so, so much more. What I’ve written about on this blog is only the tip of the iceberg… and all I really know to say is that it has been a crazy ride.

I’m grateful for it, though. When Jordan and I first started dating at the end of our sophomore year and I realized I wanted to be deeply invested in our relationship, I envisioned this perfectly flawless journey to marriage… it hasn’t been that way by any means, but I can say in complete confidence that every hurdle we have had to jump has helped us demonstrate how committed we are to one another and to trusting God with all of it. And because of these challenges, I know that when we vow “for better or for worse,” we will mean it wholeheartedly.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I wondered for a long time what being here would feel like. The answer is that it’s incredible. It’s incredible in a way that grounds me and makes me smitten at the same time. It’s the type of incredible that allows me to still be myself, just a little bit brighter. Some versions of incredible can knock you off of your feet and place you outside of yourself, but those types of incredible don’t last. This feeling of incredible? I’ll take it with me forever.

I tell Jordan a lot that he has helped to make me “more myself” than I ever knew possible, and I don’t think there could ever be a more accurate way to put it. The rational side of me wants to put a halt to all of the giddy feelings that come with being engaged and jump to preparing for the realities of marriage, but that time will come.

For now, let’s be giddy–and praise the Lord for it every day. For my soon-to-be husband, I can’t wait to marry you.

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“The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.”
-Psalm 126:3

3 thoughts on “with all of my heart.

  1. Pingback: for all of my life. | this beautiful life

  2. Pingback: our marriage turns one. | this beautiful life

  3. Pingback: to my baby girl. | this beautiful life

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